St. Patrick's Day
No lectures allowed. Yes I know better, but sometimes you just say "What the hell?"Okay, I'm not Irish, I'm not even Catholic, but we decided to go celebrate St. Patrick's day because we could. So, I told the boys, Timmy and JP that I would join them for a cold one or two before our softball game at 9:30. They started calling me at 4 and asking if I was coming down to Wichita. I kept saying yes, and finally hit the road about 6 so I would go ahead and join them at the bar for a beer about 6:40 or so.
Timmy called me at 6, 6:15 and 6:30 wondering where I was. You'd think that these boys couldn't drink without me or something. I guess I underestimated my importance or something along those lines.
I finally walked into BG Bolton's at 6:45 and the boys were just getting a tower of green beer. It can't be St. Patty's day without the green beer can it? A tower is 100 oz of beer in a tower complete with a spicket. I sat down at the table and realized that my boys were already well into the evening. The cute little waitress brought me a glass so I poured a glass and we began to chat about the events unfolding in the NCAA tourney. We were laughing and poking fun at each other.
However, the bastards ruined my plan as they kept topping off my glass, over and over again.
Around 8, the waitress came back and asked if we wanted another. Sad to say, we did, even though we only had 40 minutes in which to consume tower number 3. Well we accomplished the task but by now...we were well past the fuzzy stage. It was time for us to depart to head to the house to change before our ball game. As I was walking out someone hollered out my name (kind of an unusually event in a bar in wichita when my friends are ahead of me.) So I turned and it was a girl I know, whom I actually interviewed for a story back a couple of months ago.
I made my way over and chatted with Mary a little bit. I remember saying something about softball at 9:30 and that's why we were leaving but I don't think she believed me until I brought it up again. One of her friends said "You guys really have a game tonight?" I said "Oh yeah. In 45 minutes or so. Mary, call me and we'll talk when I'm more soberer."
Yes I actually said soberer. I went to my vehicle got in, all the while laughing at nothing in particular. Somehow I actually made my way to Timmy's. Once over there, I changed into cold weather ball game clothes which consisted of shirt, shorts, sweat shirt, sweats. For some reason, I wasn't introduced to Ashley whom is Mark's controlling bitch, I mean girlfriend. JP, Timmy and I all changed. Johnny Ballgame came over as he was filling in for our team that night. JP piled in with John and Tim, Danny, Danny's girlfriend Jill, myself and the remaining Harps piled into to Tim's Cherokee. Danny was driving because we knew that we had no business behind the wheel.
However, that only gave Timmy and I more of an oppurtunity to drink one or two more before we ever got to the ball park. This was even after we pulled a vehicle change as we had forgotten the scorebook so Jill went back to save us that problem. All I know is that we switched vehicles with me carrying the beer in about 2.5 seconds because we just pulled over on a busy street.
I finished, one or two, before we got to the park. I kind of remember warming up with John. Much to my chagrin they stuck me out in right field. I was just hoping they weren't going to hit me anything that I would have to try to catch.
They did.
This is what I was told happened. The ball was hit, and I just stood there for a second before taking off full speed at a bad angle for the ball. While running full speed, I just jabbed my glove up in the air. Suddenly I stopped. After stopping, I checked my glove for the ball, with a lot of surprise on my face when I saw it nesting in the pocket of my glove.
I went in the dugout after that inning and said to Danny "Did I actually catch that?" He said "Yeah you did." I said "Sweet" and promptly went up to bat where I hit a rocket at the shortstop whom fielded the ball and got the force out.
We ended up getting run ruled bad 18-1. But when your pitcher, RF and LC are all drunk, what can you expect?
After the game, we piled back into the Cherokee. I guess this would be a good time to mention that Timmy took a line drive to the shoulder because his motor control skills were slightly diminished. Timmy pulled off his shirt and tried to ice his shoulder with the beer.
At this point I began to struggle with the cap to the last remaining Harp's. Through an amazing act of sheer brilliance, we managed to throw the bottle opener away that accompanied us. I thought that I may use the seat belt buckle to open it (like you can in my explorer) but that didn't work. Next thing I tried to used were the keys. I managed to somewhat pry up one of the crimps but I slipped and gashed my thumb. However, I had had enough to the point of where I felt no pain so I kept up my valiant efforts.
I failed.
We got back to Timmy's, so I jumped out of the Jeep with a purpose. My purpose was to show whomever was watching that I didn't need a bottle opener to open the beer, so I trotted over to my explorer and used the seat belt buckle to pop the top.
Next thing I know, Timmy's yelling at me to get changed so we can go to a different bar, the one where his girlfriend was working.
I honestly believe I'm a victim of peer pressure. Tim forced me to change, so we could go BACK out to the bar. We did, and away we went.
Old Chicago is a mile and a half away from Timmy's. We arrived and Tim told me to follow him. We waded through the crowd to the bar where Christy promptly poured us a pitcher of more green beer. Now this is where I encountered perhaps one of the creepiest guys i've ever encountered. The guy was about 35 and sitting at the bar ALONE on St. Patty's day. He looked to me (of course i may have been in no condition to judge appearance) as if he had been there all day and was slightly disturbed. Unfortunatley, he was too close to me and decided to try to make conversation with me.
I didn't pick up on it.
At all.
He started mumbling something about "them and how there's too many of them" and then something about "The Cardinal." Timmy saved me by moving us to another table with some guys he knew. We chatted for the remainder of our picture, which was probably too much. I went and paid for the pitcher, while chatting with Christy about the creepy guy whom she told me he had been blatantly staring at her boobs and ass all night long.
By now Timmy and I decided it was time to head back to the house. We pulled out of our parking spot, which doubled as the 15 minute food to go parking. Somehow we made it back to Timmy's. At this point it was only midnight so I decided it was time for me to go home.
I gathered up what I thought was all of my stuff and I took off. I got on the road and set my cruise at 56 mph to avoid any tickets or avoid having to work the gas pedal. Forty minutes later, I arrived at home with no problems whatsoever.
The next morning was touch and go for a while. I pride myself on not having hangover, but I've learned that Bud Light is Satanspawn. I got up with the intention of working on brackets, but after about 10 minutes, I began to get queasy. I laid on the couch for a while, then tried to read some email. Again I got queasy, so it was back to the couch for a while. Eventually I got up and took a shower, then went and ate to which I felt better. Later that afternoon I talked to tim and found out that he was just as touch and go as I was for a while.
All in all, we had a good time except for the part where the lectures will result from.
P.S. The drunk driving has only happened twice in the last four years. That's not nearly the ratio of what my boys have done, plus I haven't taken out any mailboxes like Mark, plowed into a parked car like Tim, or backed up into a truck like JP. I'm doing fairly well and it has only happened twice in the last four years.
posted by Rusty @ 8:32 PM
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