Halloween
Mission AccomplishedHalloween has come and gone. My sister (Fish) and I were completely successful as we probably inflicted psychological damage upon hordes of children. I guess we’ve become semi-infamous throughout the years. It’s hard to imagine that a simple sitting on the porch would transmogrify into a production of terror for the children of our town.
The Fish and I set upon our plan, with the aid of Limewire, duct tape, black spray paint, a strobe light and costumes. We encased the front porch in painter’s plastic, spray painted it so you couldn’t see through it. I also blocked off half of the porch with the plastic and hid behind it, in a gruesome mask. The Fish wore a Grim Reaper costume and held the candy in her lap. We had a red porch light, a strobe light as you came up the stairs and lit tiki torches helping to illuminate the yard.
I learned several things
- The neighbor kids are freaking annoying little shits. They bugged the hell out of us as we set everything up, by asking annoying questions about what we were going to do. The youngest said kept saying it wasn’t scary, yet backed up when kept coming towards her. Thankfully, the mother apologized for their bugging of us. I think it was after we didn’t scare them because they saw us setting up, that they got the picture.
- I bet we had two dozen kids who never made it up to the candy. They were too freaked out.
- Boys ages 11-13 are the biggest pansies alive. Sure, they talk tough, but when the chips are down, they run screaming like little girls. In fact, I’d wager to say that they were the majority of the kids who never went on the porch.
- College kids jump just as high as 12 year olds. In the space of three houses, I scared the same group FOUR times. One of them tried to hug me, but I wouldn’t hug back. She was so scared, I think she was actually tearing up.
- Just the sound of a revving chainsaw is enough to make your hair stand on end.
Perhaps the best kid of the night was the child of about 7 years old, dressed as a stormtrooper from Star Wars complete with light up lightsaber. He came up on the porch, took one look at my sister and turned around. I saw him hanging around later as I chased a group with my chainsaw. He was walking home and the Fish just happened to have a lightsaber much like his. I dashed inside, grabbed and caught up to him in the dark. When I fired the lightsaber up, he stopped and turned. He walked back to me and we dueled for a bit. After our duel, I bowed and took him up to the candy. It was pretty funny.
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posted by Rusty @ 2:04 PM
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